I want to tell you guys a secret about marriage. As you all know, I’ve been married for exactly three months. I’m basically an expert, so listen up. Here it is: Marriage is NOT rainbows and sunshine 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Even new marriages, still basking in newlywed bliss, have bad days.
Not too long ago, I was talking to a friend, when she broke down and told me that she and her fiance had been having a tough time after a recent move. She was visibly upset and told me it was hard for her to talk to me about it. When I asked her why on earth it would be hard to talk to me about that she replied that I was in such a perfect relationship, she wasn’t sure I would be able to relate to her or would want to talk to her about it.
WHOA. Hold the phone. Perfect? Says who? So I told her. We love each other so much it’s gross. But some days, you wouldn’t know it. No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. We all have our struggles and we all have our strengths.
The conversation got me thinking though. Are we afraid to talk about the bad stuff with our girlfriends? When I was in a bad relationship, I complained about the bad stuff ALL THE TIME. But when I was in a good one, I never seemed to mention the little squabbles, unless my girlfriend happened to share one of her own first. Are we afraid that people will think we are in a “bad relationship” if we admit that sometimes, things in great relationships aren’t great? Personally, I think we should embrace the bad stuff, share it with each other, and learn to turn it around.
So today, I’ve decided to start a new series, called “Take it From a Married Lady.” Sometimes I’ll share my stories, and sometimes I’ll share submissions from readers (send ’em in!) The point of this series is to share the difficulties of marriage (or any relationship! you don’t have to be married to submit!). Maybe you need advice from an outside source, from people who don’t know either of you (we can conceal identities to protect the innocent… and the guilty). Maybe you learned something valuable from an argument and you want to share it with others! Whatever your reason, I hope you’ll join in. Relationships aren’t easy, take it from a married lady!
I’m gonna start us off with a doozy from the Sparkly household. It’s a constant battle that may eventually land us on the Marriage Ref . If you haven’t seen the Marriage Ref, it’s a show on NBC where married couples who have an ongoing conflict go on TV and present their issue in front of America and a panel of celebrity judges decide who is right, the husband or the wife. Pretty amusing really.
But I digress, our issue is in the bedroom, but it’s not that. THAT is fine. Our issue, is the TV in our bedroom. More specifically, whether it is on or off when we are falling asleep. Let me present the evidence (I’ll try to be neutral about it).
I want it on. Actually, it’s more than that. I need it on. I don’t know if you want to blame it on the fact that I have shared a bedroom my entire life or the fact that I had the rowdiest living situations possible in college, but I can’t sleep in silence. It freaks me out. My heart races and my inner monologue goes NUTS. I have tried counting sheep, I have tried reading, nothing works. But the second you turn that TV on, the light… the faint buzz… I knock out INSTANTLY.
Erik wants it off. He says he needs it off because the light and sound keep him up. (But if I may present to the court, he is always snoring within 5 minutes whether the TV is on or off… now back to neutrality). He says it’s a waste of electricity and that it’s not normal to sleep with the TV on. To which I always respond, why did God invent a sleep timer on my TV if he didn’t want me to fall asleep with it on?
Our current arrangement works like so: We go to bed with the TV off. I have the remote. I play angry birds on my phone until Erik falls asleep. When Erik falls asleep, I turn the TV on and set the sleep timer, then I can fall asleep. It’s a bit obnoxious for me, because I have to wait until he is asleep so that I can turn the TV on and fall asleep, but right now, it’s the best solution we’ve found.
What are your thoughts on our dilemma? Do you have the same issue at your house? What side are you on? Sound off in the comments!! If you have a different issue and you’d like it featured, click the “Contact Me” link at the top of this page and complete the form.